


knowing me (loving you),

by Raging_Nerd



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Grace is Best Mom, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-03 01:05:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19453207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raging_Nerd/pseuds/Raging_Nerd
Summary: "It will be okay, Vanya," Mom tells her, planting a kiss on her hair.Vanya clutches onto Mom's dress with her free hand.Everything has to be okay.or,Everything is not okay.





	knowing me (loving you),

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last Ben/Vanya piece for a while,,,, enjoy it!

Vanya closes the door behind her, wincing at the soft creaking sound it makes. It doesn't seem to disturb anyone, though, so she takes it as a small win as she backs into his room.

Ben smiles at her as she takes a seat on his bed, returning the gesture albeit a little softer.

Their eighteenth birthday was in a few days, and every child in the Hargreeves household couldn't have been more excited (except Luther, of course; he loved father the most.).

Six takes his place behind her, carding through her straight brown hair. She's been trying to make it a little "wavier", not that it has been working very much.

She turns her head slightly, trying to get a glimpse of her brother.

"What will you do in it tonight?" Vanya asks, and she feels him shrug. A sigh escapes her lips as he continues untangling her hair with his fingers, massaging her scalp with each gentle stroke.

When he presses down a little too hard on a particular spot in her hair, Vanya flinches, biting her lip to suppress the cry that wishes to leave her. Ben stops immediately, leaning over to meet her gaze.

His expression is apologetic, and Vanya remembers why Ben is her favourite sibling.

"Are you okay Vanya?"  _ He was kind _ . "I can grab some ice for you…"  _ Always concerned about her wellbeing _ . "That's a pretty nasty bruise you have there."  _ Quick to make connections. _ "Do you want to tell me what happened?"  _ And always willing to listen. _

A sniffle leaves her as she suddenly feels overwhelmed by the weight of all Ben's questions.

He mutters to himself before pulling Vanya in a sideways hug, in which she buries her face into the soft fabric of his clothes.

After a few minutes she pulls away, taking a deep breath before allowing her hazel eyes to meet his dark chocolate orbs.

"Dad had me help him train Diego today," she begins. Ever since Reginald realized their birthday was on the rise, he had been pushing individual training more and more.

"Everything was going pretty well, actually," she says, a sad smile crawling across her face. Vanya takes a deep breath. She isn't used to talking this much.

"But then… but then Dad asked Diego to throw a different object, not the knives or needles he was used to, but something heavier."

She glances st Ben's face as if it would help her get the word. 

"Like a baseball bat," she says after a beat, not missing the growing worry etching into her brother's pretty features.

"The last time Dad tried to get Diego to manipulate the direction of something that size, he ended up destroying some of Dad's most valuable collectibles." Her nose wrinkles at her distaste. "But that was six years ago, so I'm guessing he thought he should do it again."

She pats her head, wincing slightly. "Dad told Diego to throw the bat over my head, and he had me stand in the middle of the room looking straight at the exit. That way, I could attempt to calculate the speed it was going without actually looking at it."

"Diego didn't want to throw it, but Dad didn't care," she says, swallowing in an attempt to add some moisture to her throat. "He threw it, and I was able to calculate how fast it was going by how hard it hit my head."

Ben sighs heavily, taking her face in his palms. Vanya blushes, and is thankful when he simply begins to observe the bruise on her head.

There is a pregnant pause before he speaks again.

"Are you sure you'll be fine, Vanya?" He asks, hands remaining in their place on her cheeks. "Dad shouldn't have done that…" he mumbles, appearing to be in deep thought. "I can get you an ice pack," he offers.

Vanya shakes her head. "It's fine Ben," she confirms, pulling his hands away. "Dad thinks I'm expendable, which I am. I'm not special or important like you guys because --"

"Oh, shut up, Vanya."

Her eyes widen as she stares at the exasperated look on her brother's face. 

"You are  _ not _ expendable. You're so precious to this family, and I don't understand why you haven't seen that yet."

She opens her mouth to counter him, but he gives her a look that leaves no room for argument.

"You are important, because no one else would go into Luther's room late at night to tuck him in when he's exhausted, and no one else would make sure Klaus' wounds are all clean before he opens them even more, and no one else would make sure Allison isn't spending the whole night trying to rumor Five back, and no one else would make sure Diego isn't  _ trying _ to get himself into trouble."

"You're special because these are just some things you do Vanya. When no one else is willing, you always step up even though we treat you like shit most of the time."

"You're so fucking important and I don't know what I'd do if you stopped being you."

His cheeks are flushed when he's done, chest heaving. His eyes widened when he realizes what he said, looking anywhere but at her face.

Vanya hiccups, eyes watering as she takes in the actual  _ depth _ of what Ben just told her. 

"Do you really think that?" She whispers, taking his hand in her own (he squeezes her hand almost instantly.). 

He nods slowly causing her to burst into tears, not even trying to stop the joy that radiates from her. She doesn't know what comes over her when she pulls Ben into a hug, hiding her face in the crook of his neck.

They stay like that for a few minutes before she pulls away, a gentle smile on her face.

She glances at the clock, before sighing quietly. "It's getting really late, and I should probably try to get a little sleep." Vanya tells him, making a move to stand when he grabs hold of her wrist.

He seems conflicted before he stands with her, still holding her hand. He isn't much taller than her, maybe a head and a half, so she frowns when he leans over until she realizes he's placing a kiss on her forehead.

Her cheeks flush, and he smiles a little.

"Goodnight, Vanya," he says, watching her as she walks away to her room.

"Goodnight, Ben," she whispers, staring at his now closed door until the sound of his feet disappear.

(she thinks her heart will burst out of her chest with how fast it's pounding.)

\---

She hasn't seen Ben for the last few days except at meal times, and even then they'd both look away from each other, cheeks inflamed at the recollection of a night a little while ago.

Vanya does, however, come across him when he's getting ready for a mission, the blaring alarm ringing through her ears.

He's in his room, domino mask in hand as he stares at her, a soft pink flush smearing his cheeks. 

"Hi, Vanya," he says, and she takes it as an opportunity to walk into his room. 

"Hi, Ben," she echoes, standing in front of him. He looks down at her, dark chocolate eyes seeming a little happier than usual.

Ah. That's right.

"Our birthday's tomorrow," she tells him, and he nods, a smile on his face. "No more Reginald," she adds, and this seems to fuel his smile.

The two of them laugh, but it is quickly broken by the sound of feet running through the hall. Ben gives her a sheepish look.

"I have to go now, Vanya," he says glumly, before brightening up. "But I promise we can finish this conversation when I get back."

She nods, watching sadly as he puts on his mask and begins to pull away from her... And then she's grabbing his wrist, turning him so he's looking down on her.

Supposedly it's instinct, but she's too far gone to come back now.

"Vanya, I have to --" but his words are cut off by Vanya's mouth meeting his, in an awkward but gentle kiss. 

She has to stand on her toes to reach him, so he rests a hand on her waist to stabilize her. 

Vanya pulls away shyly, and Ben takes off his mask to look at her. 

"We are definitely continuing this conversation," he says, kissing the corner of her mouth.

And then he's running out the door and down the hall. Vanya stares after him, waving in his direction.

"Love you, Van," he yells, shooting finger guns in her direction. She blushes. much to his joy, but he's gone before she can reiterate his declaration.

When he comes back, she decides.

(that would give her enough time to mull over her nervousness.)

\---

Her violin playing comes to a screeching halt when Reginald begins screaming in the previously quiet house. Vanya packs her instrument away, treading down the hall to where the sound was coming from.

Then she remembers.

Ben was home!

There is a slight bounce in her step that Vanya didn't notice before, a little smile on her face as she walks towards the back entrance.

She meets Mom along the way, and the two walk there together. If there is one person she'd miss in this house besides Ben and her siblings, it would probably be Mom.

When they turn the corner, however, Vanya feels her heart  _ stop _ .

A choked sob leaves her as she stares at the unmoving figure in Luther's arms. So she does a quick count to see who it is despite the dread that fills her gut.

One, Two, Three, Four.

Six.

Ben.

Ben is in Luther's arms.

Ben is covered in blood.

Ben is the one with his limbs bent in odd directions.

Ben…

_ Ben _ !

No one beats an eye in her direction as she chokes on her own tears, cheeks flushed as she gasps for air. 

Luther is rushing after Mom and Pogo now, Reginald staying back to listen to the children's mission report. Vanya slides passed him, heart clenching at Allison's tears stained face.

Number Seven runs behind One, stopping only at the threshold of the infirmary. 

She stares as Luther helps Mom strap Ben's body to the table as Pogo hooks him up to a heart monitor.

His heartbeat is nothing but a soft continuous bump in a measure too close to flatlining to be comforting. 

Mom cradles his head, whispering in his ears as his face contorts in a grimace every now and then. The room reeks of blood and sweat, but Pogo pays no mind as he readies the defibrillator. 

Luther walks passed her on his way out, staring down at her with sad eyes.

He doesn't say a word.

This worries Vanya even more.

She winces every time his body jumps off the operating table, body pulsing as the shock courses through him.

Mom's clear echoes through the room, and Pogo shocks him again, but this time, Vanya can't look. 

It stays like this for two more minutes, with Mom telling Pogo it was clear to put the defibrillator to Ben's chest once again.

And then the shrill beeps of the heart monitor echoes through the room.

Vanya's eyes begin to wet with tears again as she drags her feet behind her. Pogo shakes his head, removing his operating coat to wash his hands. He sends her a sad look, walking out of the room, leaving Vanya with Mom and Ben.

Her mother watches her, a faint smile crawling across her face.

"Hello, Vanya," she says, and Seven hates how  _ forced _ it sounds.

Her voice cracks when she replies. "Hey, Mom."

She walks towards the table, hands reaching for Ben before snapping back to her side. Mom nods, and Vanya immediately takes his bloodied hand in hers.

A sob shook her frame, as she stares down at her brother, and Mom's smile falls off her face.

"It's not fair," Vanya mumbled. "First Five, and now you." She stares at his unmoving chest angrily, squeezing his limp hand as if it could bring him back. "Why do bad things always happen to me?" She asks, glancing at Mom, but it seems more like a question for herself.

Suddenly Mom is by her side, and despite the blood that coats her fingers, Mom pulls Vanya into the tightest hug she's ever given her. 

"It will be okay, Vanya," Mom tells her, planting a kiss on her hair. 

Vanya clutches onto Mom's dress with her free hand, tightening her hold on Ben's with the other. 

Everything  _ has _ to be okay.

(she doesn't know what she'll do if it isn't.)

**FIN**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'm working on something for Five atm, so give me time <33
> 
> Much love!


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